True Stinson

Liliana is a true Stinson: she has the sense of thrift, knows when she can make a buck or two, and hoards her money.  I think that's why she likes going shopping with Heather or I: she gets us to give her the money and she tries to keep the change.  Smart girl!  She even worked hard to rake leaves to earn money for a Christmas gift for Heather.  But that doesn't compare with what happened tonight.

She found some bells on a plastic strap and then grabbed one of her plastic bowls from her play kitchen set.  After placing the bowl on the floor in front of her, she told Heather's mom, who is staying with us for a little while and who has become Liliana's play-mate, "Okay, now I ring the bells and you give me money!"

It's amazing how they quickly they pick things up!  I had taken the girls shopping recently and we stopped at Walmart to get a few batteries.  Around here, Walmart is the only place that has bell-ringers.  So, as we ran into the store, Liliana noticed a bell ringer and asked what he was doing.  I explained that he was ringing the bell to get money.  Obviously, once is all it took for Liliana to realize that this might be the career for her!

Daddy time

Well I am about to take a very rare thing called a NAP....
So this will be quick. Jacob took the little girls out to the Beach. Yes, it is freezing but he really wanted to do something with just them and liliana has missed even just walking on the beach. Her little life has been crazy with all the various changes. We have been so blessed to have a long weekend with jacob home and look forward to a surprise long weekend next week; At any rate, in three weeks he will have some vacation time and after that, he will be working locally, so we cant wait to have daddy home for good.

life cycle

So I am starting to get the 'hint' that my life its just going to be one crazy thing after another. By 'crazy', I mean anything (or one) that challenges me. Now you would think I would have already known such a fact but sadly I was under the crazy illusion that I could control the level of craziness in my life purely by my own choices...hahahahahaha....
So, there is a season to all things, and I am trying to learn that there is actually good to be found in all seasons (even if some last for longer than they ought too)
Right now my life is full of emotions (did I mention that I don't really like emotions, other than happy of course, I like that emotion very well)
I have random crying fest (where you can locate me in my bathroom (that needs to be cleaned by the way)) some have to do with being mostly a single parent right now. Seriously, I actually know people who choose to be single parents (who have no desire to have a spouse but want a child)...maybe being a single parent right now while jacob has been gone has been harder for me since I know how much better it is with two parents (what a novelty, two parents????---I love having two parents around). or I could be crying over the fact that yesterday I had to sit and watch my mom fail one memory test after another, indicating, mild/moderate dementia leading to Alzheimer's. I mean, she couldn't draw the face of a clock! Think of how easy that would be, we could all do it blind folded and it would look better than hers. And she was really trying (crossing out one after the other trying to get it right). To top it off, I was GLAD she was failing the test in a way. Now it wouldn't just be me saying that something is wrong with mom. but i lay in bed last night pondering on what it is going to mean to me and my children that my mom is losing her self (the self I remember) and her memories.
So every day we work a little bit on calls and applications and appts for her..it is seriously a full-time job trying to get her into a place where she can receive care and I was not in the least prepared to know how to handle all of this (preparation, what is that anyway???).
But for now, till placement happens I am trying to enjoy the mom that is left and enjoying that my kids get loved on by her. She thankfully has not lost her ability to love or care (she, the homeless one, wanted to go buy some canned fruit for hte thanksgiving food drive at church)
I pulled out a wad of grey hairs the other night...I think I could identify the moment each came into existence.
But things are not that bad. It is okay for me to cry, to have a little 'moment' in the bathroom...better then holding it in.
And, while jacob was home this past weekend I got to skip off to the Temple for the first time in over a year! I love that place. I would like to move in there. I felt like I had been renewed and reminded that I can do what is placed infront of me and that I am not as bad off as I thought I was, nor am I (as a person) doing as bad as I thought.
As I looked around and experienced in the temple I realized how amazing it is to be apart of a earthly existence, even with all its craziness. I am apart of something so huge and unbelievable...but i believe...

We are all trying to make it, right? It is just not as easy as I thought it would be. so it is my life
(crazy or not) it is a blessed life.

what happens in your house in 8 minutes flat?

Well Mattie is one year old now (as of a week ago) so it is high time she start carrying her weight around here. She must have thought so as well...
Tonight, while chatting with jacob in the kitchen i heard mattie in her bathroom (the door must have been left open as she is always trying to get in there for 'hobby' activities, mostly having to do with the toilet). I quickly grabbed her (in her hands was her ladybug costume from Halloween), well, after a few minutes I started noticing wet, mop like, water puddles all over the house. I couldn't figure out what it could be. I knew it wasn't pee (she had just let a huge puddle loose (3 minutes previous to the bathroom incident) all over lilianas newly washed clothes that had been folded and put away (and that mattie, took out of the drawers and put on the ground, just in time to catch all her massive pee she holds for hours and hours). I also knew it couldnt be the water left over from jacob cleaning up the floor from when mattie threw up her entire dinner contents (right after coming down from the bath and due to gagging on mucus drainage from her sinus) (this happened, 2 minutes before the pee incident, and 5 minutes before the bathroom incident)...no no....it was neither of those, it was her helping us mop, she dipped her ladybug costume in the toilet water and went about the house to mop....hmmmmm, sometimes it is just easier to not let your kids help with the cleaning :)

Change

Change is a hard thing, sometimes a good thing. I woke up to find out about our new president-elect. Let me start off by saying that no one I was interested in voting for was on my ballot, which I cast Sat morning here in town.
For jacob and I, we are concerned about having Obama as our new president. With him going into medicine we are particularly concerned. We do not want to 'work' for the government in any socialist capacity. We don't want the government to force jacob to see certain patients. I do not want my husband to work tons of hours and then have our 'wealth' distributed' to others who are not working, or who are working, but due to various reasons are not making enough. I despise the ringing in of socialism under the guise of helping our fellow man. What is the quote....the bringing down of democracy will happen with loud applause. It will be that way.
I just re-read this. Maybe i sound negative. Well mostly I am concerned. How thankful I am for a Prophet!

Gratitude

Well. It has been a rough day. I looked on one of my friends blogs and found the following quote I thought was just perfect:

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow." -Melodie Beattie

I had to have Jacob take over for me in Primary as I was just going to start crying right there in front of the kids, which I just don't want to do that to them. He stepped in and did wonderful last minute. I am so thankful he was able to come home over the weekend. We still have 7 more weeks of separation (but him home on weekends) and I am trying to find little things about all this mess to be grateful for.
To top it off (why must we top things off anyway????) a few weeks back one of my aunts asked if I could have my mom come visit for a few days so that my other aunt could have a 'break'. I agreed for a few days (wed-sun), well, after many failed attempts to get either of my aunts on the phone I finally spoke to one and pulled out of her that neither of them had any intention of ever getting my mom back after her 'break' with me (i.e., they were dumping her and all her problems on me and were just hoping I would enjoy it as a surprise). So after a very heated conversation with my aunt in the parking lot of church between meetings, a good cry on the phone with my dad, and a somber afternoon, both trying to muster the needed courage for what lays ahead of me, as well as, trying to not be sad about the fact that jacob would be leaving us again. I am also sad because as a family we had been invited up to Bangor (on the hospitals tab no less (in a suite!!!)) for jacobs interview tomorrow. They had some events planned that our whole family could attend so that I could also find out about the program and area. I was really looking forward to this little family getaway (esp. since it was going to be free and it involved a seafood restaurant!). So that went out the window (wait, I need to read the quote up above again)...

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow."

I really like it...it (gratitude) turns chaos into order....the unexpected into perfect timing.....I cannot stop time to become the person I need to be inorder to make it through this (i sure wish i could) but im pretty confident that by getting through it I will become the person I am supposed to be

I am grateful for my husband. He is amazing. Honey, if you are reading this. I love you and miss you. Thank you for being willing to sacrifice so much so that with your hands you can help heal. I know it is not always the most ideal job (most days I am sure there would be something alot more fun to do (ie..build furniture, farm, etc)). I am grateful that you work hard and provide that example to our girls. I am grateful you do laundry when you see it is overflowing. That you hang the diaper covers up to dry instead of throwing them into the dryer. That you care about your health, both physically and spiritually and do things that will strengthen you in both ways. Have a wonderful interview!

I am trying hard to find what I am grateful for in having my mom thrust upon me. She is not completely the mom i remember and I am not quite sure what is wrong (which is why no one has been able to help her thus far). I want to do what is right and have not figured out what that is yet. It would be so much easier if we could just pick the trials that we felt prepared to have (ha..i know.....crazy thinking)...but, with gratitude I am hopeful I can turn this unexpected event into perfect timing. I am grateful that she is here as there is someone who can read liliana books over and over again, while i do boring things like dishes.
We are here to change, right???? I am just going to take it one day at a time.

crazy test.....

sooooooooo. You know when you have gone crazy when....
You are kinda franticly looking around the kitchen for your baby, thinking perhaps she got out the front door or basement door, wondering where she could have gone off to, racking your brain about the last time you had seen her....only to realize that she was in your arms the whole entire time, quietly wondering what her crazy caregiver was up too....!!!!so yeah.....it has been a doozy of a week. Sometimes I am truly amazed that I am left in charge of other peoples lives.