life cycle

So I am starting to get the 'hint' that my life its just going to be one crazy thing after another. By 'crazy', I mean anything (or one) that challenges me. Now you would think I would have already known such a fact but sadly I was under the crazy illusion that I could control the level of craziness in my life purely by my own choices...hahahahahaha....
So, there is a season to all things, and I am trying to learn that there is actually good to be found in all seasons (even if some last for longer than they ought too)
Right now my life is full of emotions (did I mention that I don't really like emotions, other than happy of course, I like that emotion very well)
I have random crying fest (where you can locate me in my bathroom (that needs to be cleaned by the way)) some have to do with being mostly a single parent right now. Seriously, I actually know people who choose to be single parents (who have no desire to have a spouse but want a child)...maybe being a single parent right now while jacob has been gone has been harder for me since I know how much better it is with two parents (what a novelty, two parents????---I love having two parents around). or I could be crying over the fact that yesterday I had to sit and watch my mom fail one memory test after another, indicating, mild/moderate dementia leading to Alzheimer's. I mean, she couldn't draw the face of a clock! Think of how easy that would be, we could all do it blind folded and it would look better than hers. And she was really trying (crossing out one after the other trying to get it right). To top it off, I was GLAD she was failing the test in a way. Now it wouldn't just be me saying that something is wrong with mom. but i lay in bed last night pondering on what it is going to mean to me and my children that my mom is losing her self (the self I remember) and her memories.
So every day we work a little bit on calls and applications and appts for her..it is seriously a full-time job trying to get her into a place where she can receive care and I was not in the least prepared to know how to handle all of this (preparation, what is that anyway???).
But for now, till placement happens I am trying to enjoy the mom that is left and enjoying that my kids get loved on by her. She thankfully has not lost her ability to love or care (she, the homeless one, wanted to go buy some canned fruit for hte thanksgiving food drive at church)
I pulled out a wad of grey hairs the other night...I think I could identify the moment each came into existence.
But things are not that bad. It is okay for me to cry, to have a little 'moment' in the bathroom...better then holding it in.
And, while jacob was home this past weekend I got to skip off to the Temple for the first time in over a year! I love that place. I would like to move in there. I felt like I had been renewed and reminded that I can do what is placed infront of me and that I am not as bad off as I thought I was, nor am I (as a person) doing as bad as I thought.
As I looked around and experienced in the temple I realized how amazing it is to be apart of a earthly existence, even with all its craziness. I am apart of something so huge and unbelievable...but i believe...

We are all trying to make it, right? It is just not as easy as I thought it would be. so it is my life
(crazy or not) it is a blessed life.